


Another Eden

by AgentStannerShipper



Series: tumblr ficlets [89]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But Only a Little Bit - Freeform, Eden - Freeform, M/M, Meet-Cute, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 08:38:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20150764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentStannerShipper/pseuds/AgentStannerShipper
Summary: The place is immaterial. They were always meant to meet.





	Another Eden

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I made a post about an alternate universe where angels patrolled inside the garden with flaming shovels, so that Crowley and Aziraphale's meet-cute plays out slightly differently. There's some lovely art and fics kicking around from it, but here's my take.

In the Beginning; it was a nice day. All the days had been nice. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn’t been invented yet. But on the eastern horizon, a mass of clouds had just begun to gather, as if suggesting that something big – bigger even than the first thunderstorm – was afoot.

The angel of the eastern gate flared his wings and pulled himself up to his full height – which wasn’t very tall – and looked as intimidating as he could – which wasn’t very much.

“I’m sorry,” he said, with the thinly veiling rancour of one who had been slacking off slightly and is not keen to actually do their job, “but what precisely do you think you’re doing?”

“_Ow,_” said the serpent, whose name was Crawly, and who was currently sporting a rather large bump on his scaly head where he had been hit with an astonishingly hefty and angelically flaming shovel. He shook the stars from his eyes and scowled at the angel, insomuch as it is possible for a snake to scowl. He slithered up from out of his hole, dodging further whacks from the angel, whose name was Aziraphale, and coiled so he might rear up to be of a height with him. “That,” he said, “was uncalled for.”

“Of course it was called for!” protested Aziraphale. “You’re a demon! You aren’t supposed to be here!” He pointed the shovel at Crawly again, who eyed it with disdain but did not flinch. Aziraphale’s hand wavered.

“Look,” Crawly said. “Let me be real with you for a second.” He rocked back, as a figure with legs might rock back on their heels. “We both know you’re not going to smite me. If you were, you’d have lopped my head clean off with that thing the moment it poked out of the ground.”

Aziraphale lowered the shovel with a guilty expression.

“_And_,” Crawly grinned, bearing fangs in what should have been a threatening gesture, but wasn’t, “I’m not looking to hurt you either.”

“You aren’t?”

“Nah.” Crawly’s tail waved dismissively. “They told me to get up here, make some trouble. But between you and me, it seems a lot more hassle than it’s worth. They only picked me because they don’t like me Down There, you know. Probably hoping one of your lot _does _whack off my head, so they can wash their hands of me.”

“I’m sorry to hear it,” said Aziraphale, in spite of himself.

Crawly tilted his head, as if that was amusing. The pair studied each other for another moment, and then relaxed somewhat. Aziraphale buried the shovel in a patch of earth, where the flames would not touch the grass, and sat down next to the serpent. Crawly stretched out too, and after a moment Aziraphale put a tentative hand on his back, stroking the scales. Crawly wriggled in surprise, and then slithered over so Aziraphale had a rather large snake draped across his lap. The angel took the hint, and kept stroking.

“It’s just,” Crawly said after a minute, “and I hate to do this when you’ve been so understanding, but if I don’t do _something_ before I go back down there, it won’t matter that you didn’t have my head. _They’ll _have it instead.” To the angel’s astonishment, he actually sounded a touch regretful.

Aziraphale hesitated. “What did you have in mind?”

Crawly stretched, and settled again. “I was thinking of telling Eve to eat an apple.” He gestured idly with his tail in the direction of the tree of knowledge.

“What? No!”

Crawly found himself dumped unceremoniously on the ground as the angel stood up. “No!” he said again, shaking his head emphatically. “Absolutely not!”

“It’s just an apple!” Crawly reasoned. “And she doesn’t _have _to eat it.”

“It’s forbidden!”

“It wouldn’t be tempting her if it wasn’t.”

“But God said-“

“Look,” Crawly interrupted him. “All I’m going to do is go up to her, suggest that maybe she eat it, and let it be. I won’t _force her _to do it. That’d take away the whole point. And honestly, even if she does, it’s only a first offense. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Again, even though he shouldn’t have, even though a _Good _Angel wouldn’t have, Aziraphale hesitated. “Well,” he said slowly, “I do suppose, if She _really_ didn’t want them to be tempted, then she could have put the tree a great deal farther out of reach.”

“Exactly!”

“And it is only the difference between Good and Evil,” Aziraphale continued, warming up to the idea. “That doesn’t sound all that bad to me.”

“See?” Crawly said. “It’ll be alright. Even if she’s tempted, then afterwards you can teach her to be Good. Everybody’s happy.”

Aziraphale found himself nodded, and he stilled his head, lifting his chin. “I still don’t approve,” he said, a touch haughtily. Then he broke down, and smiled. “Perhaps, before you leave, you could stop by again, and say hello.”

Crawly grinned again. “Perhaps I could.” He glanced at the shovel. “You’re not going to, ah, hit me again once my back is turned, are you?”

Aziraphale clasped a hand to his heart and gasped. “My word, of course not! I’m an angel!”

“Just checking!” If Crawly had hands, they would have raised in surrender. “I’ll see you in a bit, then.” He began to slither off, and then paused, looking back at Aziraphale, “Oh, and angel?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re most welcome.” So saying, Aziraphale picked up his shovel again, hefted it over his shoulder, and watched Crawly slither away into the underbrush. Then he turned, humming cheerfully to himself, and began to patrol once again.

Less than a minute later, he felt a drop of water hit his face, and stared with horror up at the sky. A flash of lightning, the first ever, arched down from the sky and struck the gates of Eden, crumbling them to dust. Thunder rumbled, loud and menacing, across the blackening sky. Aziraphale turned back in the direction of the apple tree and began to run.

It was going to be a dark and stormy night.


End file.
